In Honor of Memorial Day

A few years ago I wrote this to honor my brothers in remembrance of their dedicated service to our country and to our mother, whom they honored every day of her life.  It was originally written on Veteran's Day, November 11, which was also the date of our mothers birth. I thought I would add it to my remembrance blog since it is also fitting for today, Memorial Day.

Today is a day of remembrance, mostly because we are remembering veterans who have served and are serving our country.  Coming from a large family including four brothers, I, too, pay tribute to their service in the military.  All four served in different branches and different wars.  Richard was Army and in WW2, Robert was Air Force and in Korea, William was Navy and served pre-Viet Nam, and Carl was Marines and served in Viet Nam.  We are thankful they all came back, one with a purple heart, and that they have led very productive lives.  I cannot tell you of their war experiences because none were shared with me.  I was always curious and have at times thought about asking, but never did, believing that if they wanted to recount those years they would.  I believe my fear surpassed my curiosity, not wanting to hear of the grimness and reality of wars that were so unlike anything I could imagine.  On this day I also think of my mother since November 11^th was the day she was born, clearly many years before it was ever a holiday.  I can only imagine how she felt having her adored sons off fighting in other countries in those wartime years and, oftentimes, in horrible conditions.   How relieved she must have been when they appeared home on leave or at the end of their tours, grateful for their survival.  Make no mistake, she loved all seven of her children, but I believe she had a special place in her heart for the boys.  She believed in them and in their strength, both mentally and physically.  She had protected and cared for them in their childhood years and in turn was protected and cared for by them in their adult years.  I could see the pride on her face when she came for visits.  She always recounted what everyone was doing, often giving long reports of each of her sons. 

After my father died in 1970, we all made sure Mom was taken care of, especially my sisters Madlyn and Kay who lived nearby.  Mom never appeared lonely, although I’m sure she was at times.  She was always welcome in our homes, but my oldest brother Dick asked her come live with him for a while in Oregon, which she did.  Some years later she decided she wanted to live on her own and indeed did so for many years.  She had the health and security to travel quite often, not just to all of our homes, but also to far off lands and places.  My brother Bob took her many places, but the highlight was a memorable trip to Ireland with him and his family.  She was always on the move and ready to go anytime anyone asked her, never tiring of travel.  She never complained about the aches and pains mainly from arthritis, just accepted it as what happened as you age.  Even when she broke her hip and had it replaced, she forced and pushed herself into a speedy recovery.  She worked every day to strengthen her legs by walking.  Cancer of the breast didn’t stop her either.   She enjoyed every day she lived, even during the tough times and there were many tough times.  You don’t live 94 years without having a few.  Several of those times were extremely rough when she lost a son, granddaughter and great grandson within a few years of each other.  After all, don’t we as mothers ask God in our prayers to take our lives before any of our children?  The deaths were extremely difficult for her, but none so much more than the death of her son Bill.  I think of that day often because he was my twin.  After being given the information that his death was imminent, she immediately called to talk to me.  I think in her mind it was to see how I was dealing with this sadness and to tell me of hers.  He passed away the day after talking with our mother for the last time.  She was incredibly heartbroken knowing there was nothing she could do to change the circumstance. 

As a mother you want to take care of your babies no matter what their age.  In turn, one of our mother's babies took care of her.  It was my youngest brother Carl, who as a little boy would wrap his arms around her neck and tell her he would always take care of her.  With her health beginning to fail in her late 80’s and unable to live alone, Carl and his wife Susan brought her into their home where she received much love and tremendous care.  She was very happy living with them.  But after many years her health became more and more fragile, especially after she suffered a debilitating stroke.  She fought hard to get better, but it became apparent her life was at an end.  Carl called me, as he did with the rest of my siblings, saying we should come see her before the end.  We flew in on a Friday night, but by the time I reached the hospital she had already slipped into a coma.  The process of dying can be slow and agonizing for those watching a loved one, but Mom was comfortable and not suffering.  I believe she was waiting to hear from all of her children one more time and I was the last to get to her bedside.  On Sunday as we were leaving the hospital to catch a flight back home, Carl bent down, put his arm around her, held her hand and said ever so gently in her ear, “You can go now old timer” (his pet name for her).  It took him 15 minutes to get home and as he walked in the door the phone was ringing with the news that she had passed.  In the end her youngest child kept his promise to care for her in her old age and then finally let her go. 

Today, it is with much gratitude and admiration that I honor my four brothers not only for their dedication to this country, but also for their dedication to our mother.  They, as well as my husband, sons, and nephews have given and continue to give this country its freedom.  It is also my day to honor my mother who, had she continued to live, would have been 101.  She would have loved to see her children growing older and still going strong.  Happy birthday mom and to all the men in my family, thank you for being incredible human beings.   I give a special thanks to all the other sons and daughters who have given and are continuing to give so much to and for our country.  We are truly blessed with your dedicated service and love of country.